I agree with your assessment of the essay's conclusion. All I'm saying is that the essay's whole thought process began with the basic problem that social situations often backfire for the author in very negative ways. If these negative experiences didn't cut so deep, it might not have been necessary for her to spend 2500 words convincing herself that some socializing is better than completely cutting yourself off from the world.
I could be totally wrong about all this, and I really regret if my original comment comes off sounding at all presumptuous. My point is just that if indeed the author suffers in the way that the essay describes (which sounds totally believable to me), I have a lot of compassion, but also hope that things can be better for her.
FWIW, I think your comments DO some off a bit presumptuous, and a bit condescending, despite you saying that you have a lot of compassion and are incredibly empathetic.
Using language like "This is not normal" and "crippling anxiety" is really making a lot of assumptions about the author. It kind of presupposes that you know what's normal. Of course it's possible that you actually do, maybe you're a psychologist or therapist, and as an expert can assert that you do know what's normal, but I would argue you can't infer enough from this piece to know for sure.
There was a review of Sheila Heti's new book in this week's NYer, and from that I gleaned that her work draws from life but also involves a lot of dramatization and fictionalization of her life, and isn't entirely non-fiction.
That's fair. In retrospect I wish I had written my comment in more of the form: "If X, then Y", instead of presuming X. If the essay is fictionalized and she didn't actually move to a new city to avoid social interaction, or find herself totally consumed for weeks by one mean comment, then surely none of what I am saying applies.
Re: "this is not normal," if I sound like I'm claiming some kind of authority, it is only the authority of personal experience. I could have written those passages that I quoted, and not too long ago either. Those were my "normal." Once I experienced what it was like to feel secure and free of those unmanageable emotional responses, I found it incredibly liberating.
The strong belief I took from this experience is: no one should have to live that way. No one should have to structure their life around avoiding things that they emotionally can't handle. I can't say with certainty that this is her situation, but I know it was mine.
I could be totally wrong about all this, and I really regret if my original comment comes off sounding at all presumptuous. My point is just that if indeed the author suffers in the way that the essay describes (which sounds totally believable to me), I have a lot of compassion, but also hope that things can be better for her.